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October 9, 2009

Butch v. Tommy - Week Six


It is all starting to go downhill for Butch. When industrial strength nog does not work then there is nothing to do but put your feet up, grab some Monty Python DVD's and pray that the fruitcake shipment does not come early this year. Tommy had a good week last week, missing only the upset that was Oregon State over Arizona State while Butch missed the games, the boat, the side of the barn - pretty much everything. If there were fish in the barrel, Butch would have missed those too. Butch did worse last week than Chicago did in the Olympics voting - that is how bad it was. It was just that kind of a week last week. Butch has no idea what to make of this week other than the fact that it exists in a greater scheme and may also exist in a parallel universe. Vodka should help, but there are no guarantees. Everything looked good at the start when Stanford - as both Butch and Tommy predicted - took care of UCLA. But then the Leprechauns of Notre Dame made things more difficult than they needed to be and let the Hussies hang around long enough to give Tommy a cover. Then came the Rodents' upset. Then there was Cal driving for the game's opening touchdown against Tommy's girls of Troy and, well, to put it diplomatically - they choked. Then the Hayward Fault moved and everything collapsed on the Fighting Tedfords, just like the week before against Oregon - hey, a trend! Butch was counting on two things in the Wazzu-Oregon game - a Nike letdown and true freshman quarterback Jeff Tuel lasting the entire game. When the Nikes opening kickoff fumble was overturned, Butch swears he heard a tree fall somewhere in a forest. When the Nikes scored two touchdowns while the Cougars were still struggling to figure out how a chin strap worked, Butch heard a rumble in the sky. When Tuel was knocked out of the game in the first quarter, Butch knew it was all over. Now it is time to hit the sauce.



Tommy: As Butch always says, thank the good Lord for the Trees. They kept him from throwing up an 0-fer last weekend, and Tommy is starting the traditional October separation, which Larry King taught me. The circus midget couldn't keep the Ducks from hammering the Tuel, the Trojans showed yet again that despite opposite impressions, Pete Carroll owns Jeff Tedford, and the Huskies were an inch away from upsetting Butch's Irish. Tomorrow is another day, and Tommy will pat young Butch on the head and say "dust yourself off and go get 'em, little guy." Off we go.

Butch: Butch says many things when he is liquored up, Tommy - but those words are definitely none of them. Of course, being two games over the .500 Tommy Line is a reason for celebration in some Midwestern places.




Oregon (-6) at UCLA

Tommy: This oughta be fun. When the Ducks haven't had to play their fifth string QB, they have trashed the Bruin defense, which according to Reggie Carter, is the best in the Pac-10. When Tommy is through laughing, he'll pull Toby Gerhart's foot out of Carter's posterior and enjoy as either Jeremiah Masoli or Nate Costa puts his foot where Toby's was. The march the mediocrity in Westwood continues. Tommy Wants The Ducks To Stay Hot-35, Best Field Goal Kicking Team In The Nation-18.

Butch: This oughta be interesting, is what Tommy meant to say. Nikes' defensive backs Walter Thurmond and Willie Glasper are still day-to-day even though they have both suffered season-ending knee injuries - just ask Chip Kelly, well, as soon as he is not busy challenging a touchdown call in a 45-0 game - he has scruples, ya know [for that, ask LeGarrette Blount]. Butch does not like Nikes, has never liked Nikes and is not about to start now. Oh yeah, Butch takes UCLA to win in an upset.



Arizona State (-20) at Wazzu

Tommy: Really? Only 20 points? Against ASU's defense? Vegas is slipping. The Cougs barely came within 20 of Hawai'i. The good news for Butch's Cougs is that they won't lose next week. Danny Sullivan Sucks-38, Even Danny Sullivan Can Light These Guys Up-6.

Butch: Now this is the one that is going to be fun. It will be fun to watch one of either two things - either the look on Tommy's face when Wazzu covers the spread or the stands empyting at halftime of Homecoming when the Cougars are down by triple…oops, we mean, double digits. Butch thinks the crowd will stay and picks Wazzu to cover.



Stanford (-1.5) at Oregon State

Tommy: Another toughie. The Beavs have won six of the last eight against the mighty Trees, but those were some bad Stanford football teams. The Cardinal have turned the corner, and this will be Andrew Luck's time to shine against a woeful Beav pass D. Harbaugh's Expensive Turds-24, Are The Beavs Good Or Bad? Who Knows?-20.

Butch: The Trees are the only thing Butch thinks about now that he is sober in between weeks so naturally, Butch takes the Trees to win and cover.



Arizona (-3) at Washington

Tommy: Tommy knows why the Cats are favored. They've run the ball extremely well, and the Huskies' defense is like butter to the hot knife of opponents' running games. Ah, but the Pooches are 2-0 against the spread as a home underdog, and Angry Stoopsy is 9-13 on the road in Pac-10 play. Tommy goes with the mild upset here because he thinks Nick Foles is due for a meltdown. The Roller Coaster-38, Anger Management Classes-35.

Butch: Cripes, Tommy - are you one of the voters that anointed the Hussies as Top 25 material after one game? Butch takes Arizona to win, cover and go undefeated in the Pacific Northwest.






Non-conference Noogies


Florida (-8.5) at LSU

Tommy: I know how Butch hates big games because to Coug fans, the BCS standings are as irrelevant as Alaska is to Sarah Palin. But we're gonna speak on the big ones this week. Tommy thinks Timmy Tebow gets the nod, but Meyer is 0-2 in Baton Rouge, and eight and a half is a little two much to swallow. Gators march on and knock the Tigers below Tommy's Trojans, but the Hatter covers. Connoisseurs of Jean Shorts-24, Drunken Toothless Morons-21.

Butch: A game between two SEC teams is a big game? Sez who, ESPN? Isn't that like NBC saying every Notre Dame game is a big game? Well, if you put it that way, Tommy, then it must be a tie.


Alabama (-6.5) at Mississippi

Tommy: Yet another road favorite. This time though, Tommy goes with the roadie. Bama has looked nothing short of awesome, and Ole Miss' signature win...Vandy? The frauds get rooted out again. Tommy Hates Saban, But He's A Great Coach-35, The Wheels Will Fall Off This Season Soon-14.

Butch: Wow, this one makes Butch's head hurt like an African American who happened to have the misfortune of finding themselves in either state in the 1940s, 1950s, 1960s…oh hell…pretty much anytime in the last 190 years. Tie.


Boston College at Virginia Tech (-13.5)

Tommy: Uh, no. BC has beaten the Hokies three straight times, and yet Vegas gives the Blacksburg Buffoons two touchdowns. It's ain't happenin'. In fact, Tommy feels frisky and will call for a straight upset here powered by the BC defense. Good Catholic Boys-21, The Fraud Of The Century-17.

Butch: Another toughie, Tommy - Catholics vs. Whatever A Hokie Is [A confession: Butch does not care]. Butch takes BC because Butch likes baked beans.








Tommy

Last Week: 4-1

Overall: 17-15-1




Butch

Last Week: 1-4

Overall: 12-20-1






+++++++sponsored by Greg Davis Sports Photography+++++++++

Autumn is here…and you know what that means…It's time for a whole new season of Cougar Athletics! Football, soccer, volleyball, men's & women's basketball, baseball, track & field and tennis, just to name a few, are coming up right around the corner. If you need "game action" photographs for your newspaper, magazine, web site, blog, etc., then Greg Davis Sports Photography should be your choice for all things "Cougar" and "Pac-10 Conference"! Coverage for specific athletes or upcoming events is also available. Check out the images from games, practices and events from last season, and be sure to come back often for uploads from all of this season's action.


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